In which the guest blogger throws the interview

Goooooooood morning internets! I hope you're all stuffed with delicious food and have had lots of sleep over the holiday - with the exception of my friends in the news business, in which case - holidays? What are those?

Anyway, today we kick off the week with another appearance from my friend "Jack." This is the second of Jack's excellent terrible interview stories.

A few years ago, Jack went in to interview with an EXTREMELY prestigious organization. And I mean, like, PRESTIGIOUS. It was a BIG DEAL. The BIG TIME. So naturally, Jack was very excited to have this opportunity.

So, Jack walks into his interviewer's office, all psyched up and READY TO GO, and meets his interviewer. And immediately realizes that something is...off. But what? What is it?

Oh. The man...has his JAW WIRED SHUT.

"Huh," thinks Jack. "That's...awkward. Well, I guess it...happens. Surely he'll make some kind of joke about it and we'll get on with this interview."

And...no. The man DID NOT ACKNOWLEDGE the fact that his JAW WAS WIRED SHUT. He DID NOT EVEN MENTION IT. And if you've ever met anyone with their jaw wired shut, you'll know that THEY CAN'T REALLY TALK and are reduced to making WHISTLING AND GRUNTING SOUNDS instead of actual words.

So. Jack is forced to sit through 30 minutes of awkward, grunting questions from the man with the jaw wired shut. During these 30 minutes, Jack realizes that the man is crazy and that he does not, under any circumstances, want to work for him.

The trouble is, though, that generally, at this organization, if you are offered a job and you turn it down, you are pretty much blacklisted from any other openings. Which Jack did not want.

"Gaaaah," thinks Jack. "What to do? WHAT TO DO?"

And then, it dawns on him. If he doesn't GET a job offer, he won't HAVE to turn it down, and will be free to interview for any other fabulous positions at said organization.

So. Jack realizes he must...THROW THE INTERVIEW.

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN.

"Srrrrroooooo," says man with jaw wired shut. "Durrrrrr yurrrrrr harve arnnnnnnny werknerrrssssssessssss? Warrrrrrrrrrt ssss brrrrggrrst werknssssss?"

[Translation: "So, do you have any weaknesses? What is your biggest weakness?" How Jack managed to understand any of this is a mystery.]

"Erm..." says Jack. "I....I...."

"Yssssss?" says the man with the jaw wired shut.

"I...I have a dog-like need for approval," says Jack.

Silence from the man with his jaw wired shut.

Needless to say, he did not call Jack back. Whether this is because Jack succesfully bombed the interview, or because he could not utter enough coherent words to make a phone call, remains unclear.

But anyway, Jack's plan worked, as he did not have to turn down said job, and ended up getting another awesome job within said organization, and lived happily ever after.

Hooray!