Goooooooood morning internets! I hope you're all stuffed with delicious food and have had lots of sleep over the holiday - with the exception of my friends in the news business, in which case - holidays? What are those?
Anyway, today we kick off the week with another appearance from my friend "Jack." This is the second of Jack's excellent terrible interview stories.
A few years ago, Jack went in to interview with an EXTREMELY prestigious organization. And I mean, like, PRESTIGIOUS. It was a BIG DEAL. The BIG TIME. So naturally, Jack was very excited to have this opportunity.
So, Jack walks into his interviewer's office, all psyched up and READY TO GO, and meets his interviewer. And immediately realizes that something is...off. But what? What is it?
Oh. The man...has his JAW WIRED SHUT.
"Huh," thinks Jack. "That's...awkward. Well, I guess it...happens. Surely he'll make some kind of joke about it and we'll get on with this interview."
And...no. The man DID NOT ACKNOWLEDGE the fact that his JAW WAS WIRED SHUT. He DID NOT EVEN MENTION IT. And if you've ever met anyone with their jaw wired shut, you'll know that THEY CAN'T REALLY TALK and are reduced to making WHISTLING AND GRUNTING SOUNDS instead of actual words.
So. Jack is forced to sit through 30 minutes of awkward, grunting questions from the man with the jaw wired shut. During these 30 minutes, Jack realizes that the man is crazy and that he does not, under any circumstances, want to work for him.
The trouble is, though, that generally, at this organization, if you are offered a job and you turn it down, you are pretty much blacklisted from any other openings. Which Jack did not want.
"Gaaaah," thinks Jack. "What to do? WHAT TO DO?"
And then, it dawns on him. If he doesn't GET a job offer, he won't HAVE to turn it down, and will be free to interview for any other fabulous positions at said organization.
So. Jack realizes he must...THROW THE INTERVIEW.
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN.
"Srrrrroooooo," says man with jaw wired shut. "Durrrrrr yurrrrrr harve arnnnnnnny werknerrrssssssessssss? Warrrrrrrrrrt ssss brrrrggrrst werknssssss?"
[Translation: "So, do you have any weaknesses? What is your biggest weakness?" How Jack managed to understand any of this is a mystery.]
"Erm..." says Jack. "I....I...."
"Yssssss?" says the man with the jaw wired shut.
"I...I have a dog-like need for approval," says Jack.
Silence from the man with his jaw wired shut.
Needless to say, he did not call Jack back. Whether this is because Jack succesfully bombed the interview, or because he could not utter enough coherent words to make a phone call, remains unclear.
But anyway, Jack's plan worked, as he did not have to turn down said job, and ended up getting another awesome job within said organization, and lived happily ever after.
Hooray!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
In which we have a guest blogger
Hello hello hello! Today we have another visitor to the Terrible Interviews blog - my friend "Jack." Say hello to Jack! Jack actually has TWO terrible interview stories to share, and they're both so good that I'm posting them one at a time.
Anyway - enjoy! And happy Thanksgiving!
Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble.
"Jack's" story:
I was interviewing once for a political job--my first out of college. I was bright-eyed and bushy tailed, with visions of earning money and working 40 hours a week and marrying my girlfriend.
(Note from [K]: Holy cats. If only every guy I met had the same visions. Sigh. Anyway...back to Jack.)
I get to the interview, where I am interviewed by two people.
[Interviewer #1]: "So...what is the LEAST amount of money you could live on?"
Me: Awkwardly smiling. And squirming. And adding things in my head like rent, food, gas. "Welp...probably $1,500 a month."
[Interviewer #1]: "Oh. Okay. We really don't have money to pay you."
Me: Still awkwardly smiling.
[Interviewer #1]: "The money you earn as a salary is money we can't spend on the candidates. With the money we spend on your salary, we could buy roadsigns, or pay for phone banks. E.g....if you're padding that number at all..."
Me, inwardly: And I am...
[Interviewer #1]: "You're putting Missouri's political future at risk."
[Interviewer #2]: "And how many hours can you work in a month? I mean, literally, how many hours?"
Me, awkwardly laughing and more squirming: "Oh! I don't know! Let me think here. Probably about...300."
Me, inwardly: Quickly performing calculations in my head - this means I'll earn $5 an hour. I've...never earned that little. Even when I was a sophomore in high school.
[Interviewer #1]: "And are you dating anyone?"
Me, inwardly: Good gracious. Where is this leading?
Me, for real: "Um, yes. I have a great girlfriend named [Jehosophat]. We've known each other for about 18 months now."
[Interviewer #2]: "Oh. Well, this job will probably break you up."
Me: Silence.
[Interviewer #2]: "Most people who've had this job before with a girlfriend usually don't make it. Its probably best if you start single."
Me: "Right! Perfect. Thanks! Makes sense!"
And then "Jack" got the hell out of there.
Anyway - enjoy! And happy Thanksgiving!
Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble.
"Jack's" story:
I was interviewing once for a political job--my first out of college. I was bright-eyed and bushy tailed, with visions of earning money and working 40 hours a week and marrying my girlfriend.
(Note from [K]: Holy cats. If only every guy I met had the same visions. Sigh. Anyway...back to Jack.)
I get to the interview, where I am interviewed by two people.
[Interviewer #1]: "So...what is the LEAST amount of money you could live on?"
Me: Awkwardly smiling. And squirming. And adding things in my head like rent, food, gas. "Welp...probably $1,500 a month."
[Interviewer #1]: "Oh. Okay. We really don't have money to pay you."
Me: Still awkwardly smiling.
[Interviewer #1]: "The money you earn as a salary is money we can't spend on the candidates. With the money we spend on your salary, we could buy roadsigns, or pay for phone banks. E.g....if you're padding that number at all..."
Me, inwardly: And I am...
[Interviewer #1]: "You're putting Missouri's political future at risk."
[Interviewer #2]: "And how many hours can you work in a month? I mean, literally, how many hours?"
Me, awkwardly laughing and more squirming: "Oh! I don't know! Let me think here. Probably about...300."
Me, inwardly: Quickly performing calculations in my head - this means I'll earn $5 an hour. I've...never earned that little. Even when I was a sophomore in high school.
[Interviewer #1]: "And are you dating anyone?"
Me, inwardly: Good gracious. Where is this leading?
Me, for real: "Um, yes. I have a great girlfriend named [Jehosophat]. We've known each other for about 18 months now."
[Interviewer #2]: "Oh. Well, this job will probably break you up."
Me: Silence.
[Interviewer #2]: "Most people who've had this job before with a girlfriend usually don't make it. Its probably best if you start single."
Me: "Right! Perfect. Thanks! Makes sense!"
And then "Jack" got the hell out of there.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
In which the interview is just terrible
Uggggh. This interview I'm about to describe was one of those interviews where it wasn't even all that funny, or unbelievable, or ridiculous. It was just...not good. An actual terrible interview. I may or may not have cried afterwards.
Alas, I will tell the story anyway. It is a short one.
I got a call OUT OF NOWHERE to come and interview for a political organization. And when I say out of nowhere, I mean OUT OF NOWHERE. The call went something like this:
Me: "Hello?"
[Caller]: "Hello, [K]?"
Me: "Yes?"
[Caller]: "This is [caller] calling from [political organization]."
Me: "Ah...well hello, there."
[Caller]: "I'm calling about the job opening?"
Me: "Oh! The...job opening?"
[Caller]: "Yes. We recieved your resume about the press opening?"
Me: "Erm...really?"
[Caller]: "Uh...yes?"
Me: "Erm...I mean...oh, THAT press opening! Um, yes! Great!"
[Caller]: "OK, great, we'd like you to come in tomorrow, I'll send you an email with more details - bye!"
Click.
WHAT?
Sooo...I had essentially no idea what I'm about to interview for, and did not want to appear like an idiot by saying, "erm, could you just...remind me what this job is again?" But thankfully the "email with more details" included, at least, a job title, from which I could somewhat infer what the job actually was.
It turned about to be a press job focusing on healthcare legislation. Hmmm.
Nevertheless, I was excited because YAY JOB INTERVIEW. I have virtually no healthcare experience, but I figured that this interview came about from one of the many wonderful wonderful friends of mine who have been passing my resume around to various people and places, and it sounded like a good job to me, so I studied studied studied up on healthcare issues and was raring to go. Besides, they wouldn't have called me if they didn't like my resume, right? Right!
I arrive at said political organization and meet with two men - one a nice, older gentleman who kindly pulls my chair out for me when I go to sit down; and one a younger, arrogant, beefy-looking jerkface. ASSHAT JERKFACE.
[Older Gentleman]: "Very pleased to me you!"
Me: "Thank you, it's nice to meet both of you! Thanks for having me!"
[Jerkface]: "Yeah."
Me, inwardly: Oh, boy.
[Jerkface]: "So what do you know about Wyoming?"
Me: "Pardon?"
[Jerkface]: "WHAT. DO. YOU. KNOW. ABOUT. WYOMING."
Me, inwardly: Oh. I forgot that there is a connection to Wyoming in this organzation. Although this job in particular has very little to do with Wyoming, I STILL RESEARCHED IT ANYWAY. SO THERE.
Me: "Oh, well let's see.." blah blah interesting facts about Wyoming and how it relates to said organization blah blah.
[Jerkface]: "Hmmm."
Me: Nervous silence.
[Older gentleman]: Smiles kindly.
[Jerkface]: "I see you worked in the energy sector."
Me: "Yes. I did indeed."
[Jerkface]: "Talk to me about energy."
Me, inwardly: Ugh. Once again...I know where this is going. EVERYONE THINKS THEY ARE A FREAKING ENERGY EXPERT JUST BECAUSE THEY SAW AL GORE'S POWERPOINT SLIDEHOW MOVIE. ARGH.
Me, for real: "Sure! I worked on..." blah blah energy blah.
[Jerkface]: "Mmm-hmmm. Well, you're not really selling me on this."
Me: "I...pardon?"
[Jerkface]: "You know this is a press job, right? You know that you have to be able to sell a story, right?"
Me: "Uh...yes."
[Jerkface]: "So, yeah."
Me: "Erm...I'm sorry, I wasn't...I should say, I was just describing what I worked on, I didn't realize you wanted me to pitch- "
[Jerkface]: "I see from your resume that you have no healthcare experience."
Me: "Erm. Yes, that is correct, but- "
[Jerkface]: "You know this position deals primarily with healthcare, right?"
Me: "Yes, I- "
[Jerkface]: "Why did you send your resume in if you don't have a healthcare background?"
Me: "Well, I - I didn't. You...you guys actually called me."
[Jerkface]: "I suppose you don't really understand how [political entity] works, either, since I can see that you haven't worked there previously?"
Me: "Well, not specifically in [political entity], but I worked in [similar political entity] and - "
[Jerkface]: "Yeah well it's different here."
Me: "Well...ok."
[Jerkface]: "OK yeah thanks for coming in."
Me: "Um...thanks."
End of interview. I cry on walk home. A little. OK maybe more than a little.
But honestly, to all of you jerkface interviewers out there, I AM JUST TRYING TO GET A JOB. Why must you be mean to me in interviews? WHY? WHYYYYYY. I do not see the point in being a jerkface. Am I INSULTING you somehow by coming in for an interview? Do you simply want to assert your smug superiority because you are employed and I am not?
Believe me, you DO NOT NEED TO HUMILIATE ME. I am already feeling COMPLETELY HUMILIATED and CANNOT BE KNOCKED DOWN ANY MORE PEGS THAN I ALREADY HAVE BEEN. I am OUT OF PEGS to be KNOCKED DOWN.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
In conclusion...if I ever run into Mr. Asshat Jerkface in a bar, I'm...I'm...going to get someone a lot bigger than me - and who's also a boy - to punch him in the face while I hide at the other end of the bar. So WATCH OUT.
Alas, I will tell the story anyway. It is a short one.
I got a call OUT OF NOWHERE to come and interview for a political organization. And when I say out of nowhere, I mean OUT OF NOWHERE. The call went something like this:
Me: "Hello?"
[Caller]: "Hello, [K]?"
Me: "Yes?"
[Caller]: "This is [caller] calling from [political organization]."
Me: "Ah...well hello, there."
[Caller]: "I'm calling about the job opening?"
Me: "Oh! The...job opening?"
[Caller]: "Yes. We recieved your resume about the press opening?"
Me: "Erm...really?"
[Caller]: "Uh...yes?"
Me: "Erm...I mean...oh, THAT press opening! Um, yes! Great!"
[Caller]: "OK, great, we'd like you to come in tomorrow, I'll send you an email with more details - bye!"
Click.
WHAT?
Sooo...I had essentially no idea what I'm about to interview for, and did not want to appear like an idiot by saying, "erm, could you just...remind me what this job is again?" But thankfully the "email with more details" included, at least, a job title, from which I could somewhat infer what the job actually was.
It turned about to be a press job focusing on healthcare legislation. Hmmm.
Nevertheless, I was excited because YAY JOB INTERVIEW. I have virtually no healthcare experience, but I figured that this interview came about from one of the many wonderful wonderful friends of mine who have been passing my resume around to various people and places, and it sounded like a good job to me, so I studied studied studied up on healthcare issues and was raring to go. Besides, they wouldn't have called me if they didn't like my resume, right? Right!
I arrive at said political organization and meet with two men - one a nice, older gentleman who kindly pulls my chair out for me when I go to sit down; and one a younger, arrogant, beefy-looking jerkface. ASSHAT JERKFACE.
[Older Gentleman]: "Very pleased to me you!"
Me: "Thank you, it's nice to meet both of you! Thanks for having me!"
[Jerkface]: "Yeah."
Me, inwardly: Oh, boy.
[Jerkface]: "So what do you know about Wyoming?"
Me: "Pardon?"
[Jerkface]: "WHAT. DO. YOU. KNOW. ABOUT. WYOMING."
Me, inwardly: Oh. I forgot that there is a connection to Wyoming in this organzation. Although this job in particular has very little to do with Wyoming, I STILL RESEARCHED IT ANYWAY. SO THERE.
Me: "Oh, well let's see.." blah blah interesting facts about Wyoming and how it relates to said organization blah blah.
[Jerkface]: "Hmmm."
Me: Nervous silence.
[Older gentleman]: Smiles kindly.
[Jerkface]: "I see you worked in the energy sector."
Me: "Yes. I did indeed."
[Jerkface]: "Talk to me about energy."
Me, inwardly: Ugh. Once again...I know where this is going. EVERYONE THINKS THEY ARE A FREAKING ENERGY EXPERT JUST BECAUSE THEY SAW AL GORE'S POWERPOINT SLIDEHOW MOVIE. ARGH.
Me, for real: "Sure! I worked on..." blah blah energy blah.
[Jerkface]: "Mmm-hmmm. Well, you're not really selling me on this."
Me: "I...pardon?"
[Jerkface]: "You know this is a press job, right? You know that you have to be able to sell a story, right?"
Me: "Uh...yes."
[Jerkface]: "So, yeah."
Me: "Erm...I'm sorry, I wasn't...I should say, I was just describing what I worked on, I didn't realize you wanted me to pitch- "
[Jerkface]: "I see from your resume that you have no healthcare experience."
Me: "Erm. Yes, that is correct, but- "
[Jerkface]: "You know this position deals primarily with healthcare, right?"
Me: "Yes, I- "
[Jerkface]: "Why did you send your resume in if you don't have a healthcare background?"
Me: "Well, I - I didn't. You...you guys actually called me."
[Jerkface]: "I suppose you don't really understand how [political entity] works, either, since I can see that you haven't worked there previously?"
Me: "Well, not specifically in [political entity], but I worked in [similar political entity] and - "
[Jerkface]: "Yeah well it's different here."
Me: "Well...ok."
[Jerkface]: "OK yeah thanks for coming in."
Me: "Um...thanks."
End of interview. I cry on walk home. A little. OK maybe more than a little.
But honestly, to all of you jerkface interviewers out there, I AM JUST TRYING TO GET A JOB. Why must you be mean to me in interviews? WHY? WHYYYYYY. I do not see the point in being a jerkface. Am I INSULTING you somehow by coming in for an interview? Do you simply want to assert your smug superiority because you are employed and I am not?
Believe me, you DO NOT NEED TO HUMILIATE ME. I am already feeling COMPLETELY HUMILIATED and CANNOT BE KNOCKED DOWN ANY MORE PEGS THAN I ALREADY HAVE BEEN. I am OUT OF PEGS to be KNOCKED DOWN.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
In conclusion...if I ever run into Mr. Asshat Jerkface in a bar, I'm...I'm...going to get someone a lot bigger than me - and who's also a boy - to punch him in the face while I hide at the other end of the bar. So WATCH OUT.
Monday, November 23, 2009
In which the posting lies about the salary
Good morning, internets! Today's terrible interview story comes courtesy of my good friend "Betty," in which she travels a long, long way for a job interview only to find out that her interviewers are dirty liars. Read on!
Hello! To set the scene: I was somewhat lucky getting out of college; I landed the first job I applied for that I actually wanted. This was a marketing job at a VERY well-known venue, where I was the right-hand-lady to the director of marketing. The pay was decent and was an excellent first job, but it was entry level. I began to feel I was hitting a dead end after about two years, and I wanted a better title for my resume.
Oh - and did I mention that my boyfriend still lived in a southern state that was ten driving hours away and I desperately wanted to move down there? Little did I know how difficult the interviewing process could REALLLLLY be.
One of the most challenging things about trying to find a job in another part of the country is the inability to have interviewers take your interest seriously. When I began searching, I must have applied for a dozen jobs that I was OVER-qualified for. I wrote excellent cover letters about my experience and skills. And I never heard from any of these companies because people didn't want to bother with someone so far away.
It happened upon a beautiful spring Monday on Indeed.com: "MARKETING AND EVENTS MANAGER FOR [RADIO COMPANY] IN [CITY 70 MILES FROM BOYFRIEND]."
OH THE GLEE I felt when I read this headline. And it got better! I was QUALIFIED! Minimum 2 years experience in Marketing and Event Planning (CHECK!), Willingness to work nights and weekends as necessary (CHECK!), Same Salary I was making at the time! AWESOME! I know "Same Salary" doesn't sound too appealing, but it was definitely a raise when you considered the difference in cost of living and the obvious money savings from no longer buying plane tickets every other month. This job was everything I could ask for. JACKPOT.
Even though I was at work, I closed my office door, put my phone on Do Not Disturb and began primping my standard cover letter for this position. My event planning experience - sooooo much to tell! In the introduction, I even mentioned that I was willing to relocated at my own expense. Oh, and that I was planning on traveling down to [CITY] that very weekend to spend Easter with my family in the area. (Lies, such lies.) I would be more than happy to stop in on Friday!
I swear my cell phone rang 20 minutes after I hit SUBMIT APPLICATION. Wow. [CITY] area code! I gather myself for a moment then answer...breezy. Sooo breezy.
Me: "Hello, this is Betty."
[Interviewer]: "Hello Betty! My name is [Interviewer]. You expressed interest in a position with [Radio Company] and I was very excited to see your resume and read about your current position. Are you available to chat right now?"
Me: "Actually, I'm at work - I could talk around lunch time, if you're available..."
[Interviewer]: "Absolutely! Can I call you around 12:30?"
Me: "Sure thing!"
Obviously, I only said I was at work to buy some extra prep time. At this point, I pull out a pad of paper and start mapping out ALL of my event management skills. I make a list of every potential question he could ask. I do my online research about the company. Ooooh, [Radio Company] owns sooo many stations in [my current city]! I don't listen to a single one of them because they are terrible. Better read up!
12:30 Rolls Around. Office door is shut. Phone is on Do Not Disturb. Fresh bottle of water by my side. I clear my throat a few times and give myself a "Jack Donaghy from 30 Rock" pep talk: You are awesome. You're better than awesome, you're F-ing Betty. You can easily land this job. Simple. Y ou would make [CITY] your bitch! You'll eat this interviewer for----
Cell rings. It's him! IT'S HIM!!!
Me: "Hello this is Betty."
[Interviewer]: "Good afternoon Betty! Is this a good time?"
Me: "Sure!"
[Interviewer]: "Wonderful. So I can see from your resume that".....blah blah blah.
30 Minutes of excellent discussion later:
[Interviewer]: "Well, if you can come down I would definitely love to meet you. You said you will be visiting your family in [CITY] for Easter this weekend?"
Me: "Yes! I am coming down Thursday night and could come in Friday if that works."
[Interviewer]: "Yes that does work! Can you come in around 11am?"
Me: "Sure!"
[Interviewer]: "One last thing before we hang up...I can see from your cover letter that your current salary is $___. Are you aware of what this position would pay? It would be a lateral move. I just want to make sure you are comfortable with that."
Me: "Definitely. As long as I'm making the same salary, I will be fine. It's cheaper to live down there than it is here."
[Interviewer]: "Excellent! See you Friday. I am very excited to meet you! Have a nice trip down!"
I have an interview in [CITY] 3 days. Don't even know how I am getting there. Panic time.
----
Friday morning at 11:00am. I am in my new suit in [CITY]. I had taken a $250 13-hour train ride the day before. My aunt drops me off at [Radio Station]. I walk in and get my 'Visitor' nametag. After about 10 minutes of sitting in the waiting room, a man enters. He is dressed like he is going on a jungle safari. Behind him is a young attractive girl in a suit. He shakes her hand and says he'll be in touch. Weird. She is obviously also there interviewing for the same position. Couldn't jungle safari interviewer have scheduled us a little further apart?
[Interviewer]: "Betty?"
Me: "Hello!"
[Interviewer]: "Nice to meet you! Come on back."
I get a tour of the radio station and he takes me to a conference room. He interviews me. It is pretty standard discussion, but about 20 minutes in I realize that I am definitely over-qualified for this job. I'm sure they are just taking advantage of the recession and high unemployment when they ask for two years experience. This could easily be entry level.
I do not care. It has "Manager" in the title and it is an hour from my boyfriend.
Jungle safari interviewer is wrapping up. We have discussed the timeline of how long it would take me to move and how much notice I had to give my current boss.
[Interviewer]: "And you are aware of the salary, correct?"
Me: "Yes. It was on the posting. It is literally my same salary, but I am fine with that."
[Interviwer]: "Right. But you said you didn't mind because it was cheaper to live here."
Me (confused inquisitive look): "Yes. Which is why I would not expect to make MORE than I make at my current job, even though I have the experience."
[Interviewer]: "Yeahhhhh. But it is cheaper to live down here. You said so yourself. You said you didn't mind a paycut."
Me: (What Planet Are You From Look): "Ummm...are you saying that the posting had inaccurate salary information?"
[Interviewer]: "Well, this is radio. Its not lke your current job with endless budgets. The salary I am offering is $___." ($10k less than my current salary- also $10k less than what was posted.)
Me: (Stunned Look): "Wow. Thats...low. Really low. I can't live on that."
[Interviewer]: "Oh. Well you said on the phone that this wouldn't be a problem."
Me: "I was referring to the POSTED AMOUNT."
[Interviewer]: "Soooo.....?"
Me: "Well...it was nice meeting you. I guess we're done here."
It was DEFINITELY the most awkward end to an interview ever. He walked me out but neither of us spoke except for an awkward goodbye, nice meeting you, good luck. What I was really thinking was, "Have fun on your jungle safari, weirdo. I hope you get eaten by a tiger."
And I meant it. Who lies about a salary on a job posting?
Hello! To set the scene: I was somewhat lucky getting out of college; I landed the first job I applied for that I actually wanted. This was a marketing job at a VERY well-known venue, where I was the right-hand-lady to the director of marketing. The pay was decent and was an excellent first job, but it was entry level. I began to feel I was hitting a dead end after about two years, and I wanted a better title for my resume.
Oh - and did I mention that my boyfriend still lived in a southern state that was ten driving hours away and I desperately wanted to move down there? Little did I know how difficult the interviewing process could REALLLLLY be.
One of the most challenging things about trying to find a job in another part of the country is the inability to have interviewers take your interest seriously. When I began searching, I must have applied for a dozen jobs that I was OVER-qualified for. I wrote excellent cover letters about my experience and skills. And I never heard from any of these companies because people didn't want to bother with someone so far away.
It happened upon a beautiful spring Monday on Indeed.com: "MARKETING AND EVENTS MANAGER FOR [RADIO COMPANY] IN [CITY 70 MILES FROM BOYFRIEND]."
OH THE GLEE I felt when I read this headline. And it got better! I was QUALIFIED! Minimum 2 years experience in Marketing and Event Planning (CHECK!), Willingness to work nights and weekends as necessary (CHECK!), Same Salary I was making at the time! AWESOME! I know "Same Salary" doesn't sound too appealing, but it was definitely a raise when you considered the difference in cost of living and the obvious money savings from no longer buying plane tickets every other month. This job was everything I could ask for. JACKPOT.
Even though I was at work, I closed my office door, put my phone on Do Not Disturb and began primping my standard cover letter for this position. My event planning experience - sooooo much to tell! In the introduction, I even mentioned that I was willing to relocated at my own expense. Oh, and that I was planning on traveling down to [CITY] that very weekend to spend Easter with my family in the area. (Lies, such lies.) I would be more than happy to stop in on Friday!
I swear my cell phone rang 20 minutes after I hit SUBMIT APPLICATION. Wow. [CITY] area code! I gather myself for a moment then answer...breezy. Sooo breezy.
Me: "Hello, this is Betty."
[Interviewer]: "Hello Betty! My name is [Interviewer]. You expressed interest in a position with [Radio Company] and I was very excited to see your resume and read about your current position. Are you available to chat right now?"
Me: "Actually, I'm at work - I could talk around lunch time, if you're available..."
[Interviewer]: "Absolutely! Can I call you around 12:30?"
Me: "Sure thing!"
Obviously, I only said I was at work to buy some extra prep time. At this point, I pull out a pad of paper and start mapping out ALL of my event management skills. I make a list of every potential question he could ask. I do my online research about the company. Ooooh, [Radio Company] owns sooo many stations in [my current city]! I don't listen to a single one of them because they are terrible. Better read up!
12:30 Rolls Around. Office door is shut. Phone is on Do Not Disturb. Fresh bottle of water by my side. I clear my throat a few times and give myself a "Jack Donaghy from 30 Rock" pep talk: You are awesome. You're better than awesome, you're F-ing Betty. You can easily land this job. Simple. Y ou would make [CITY] your bitch! You'll eat this interviewer for----
Cell rings. It's him! IT'S HIM!!!
Me: "Hello this is Betty."
[Interviewer]: "Good afternoon Betty! Is this a good time?"
Me: "Sure!"
[Interviewer]: "Wonderful. So I can see from your resume that".....blah blah blah.
30 Minutes of excellent discussion later:
[Interviewer]: "Well, if you can come down I would definitely love to meet you. You said you will be visiting your family in [CITY] for Easter this weekend?"
Me: "Yes! I am coming down Thursday night and could come in Friday if that works."
[Interviewer]: "Yes that does work! Can you come in around 11am?"
Me: "Sure!"
[Interviewer]: "One last thing before we hang up...I can see from your cover letter that your current salary is $___. Are you aware of what this position would pay? It would be a lateral move. I just want to make sure you are comfortable with that."
Me: "Definitely. As long as I'm making the same salary, I will be fine. It's cheaper to live down there than it is here."
[Interviewer]: "Excellent! See you Friday. I am very excited to meet you! Have a nice trip down!"
I have an interview in [CITY] 3 days. Don't even know how I am getting there. Panic time.
----
Friday morning at 11:00am. I am in my new suit in [CITY]. I had taken a $250 13-hour train ride the day before. My aunt drops me off at [Radio Station]. I walk in and get my 'Visitor' nametag. After about 10 minutes of sitting in the waiting room, a man enters. He is dressed like he is going on a jungle safari. Behind him is a young attractive girl in a suit. He shakes her hand and says he'll be in touch. Weird. She is obviously also there interviewing for the same position. Couldn't jungle safari interviewer have scheduled us a little further apart?
[Interviewer]: "Betty?"
Me: "Hello!"
[Interviewer]: "Nice to meet you! Come on back."
I get a tour of the radio station and he takes me to a conference room. He interviews me. It is pretty standard discussion, but about 20 minutes in I realize that I am definitely over-qualified for this job. I'm sure they are just taking advantage of the recession and high unemployment when they ask for two years experience. This could easily be entry level.
I do not care. It has "Manager" in the title and it is an hour from my boyfriend.
Jungle safari interviewer is wrapping up. We have discussed the timeline of how long it would take me to move and how much notice I had to give my current boss.
[Interviewer]: "And you are aware of the salary, correct?"
Me: "Yes. It was on the posting. It is literally my same salary, but I am fine with that."
[Interviwer]: "Right. But you said you didn't mind because it was cheaper to live here."
Me (confused inquisitive look): "Yes. Which is why I would not expect to make MORE than I make at my current job, even though I have the experience."
[Interviewer]: "Yeahhhhh. But it is cheaper to live down here. You said so yourself. You said you didn't mind a paycut."
Me: (What Planet Are You From Look): "Ummm...are you saying that the posting had inaccurate salary information?"
[Interviewer]: "Well, this is radio. Its not lke your current job with endless budgets. The salary I am offering is $___." ($10k less than my current salary- also $10k less than what was posted.)
Me: (Stunned Look): "Wow. Thats...low. Really low. I can't live on that."
[Interviewer]: "Oh. Well you said on the phone that this wouldn't be a problem."
Me: "I was referring to the POSTED AMOUNT."
[Interviewer]: "Soooo.....?"
Me: "Well...it was nice meeting you. I guess we're done here."
It was DEFINITELY the most awkward end to an interview ever. He walked me out but neither of us spoke except for an awkward goodbye, nice meeting you, good luck. What I was really thinking was, "Have fun on your jungle safari, weirdo. I hope you get eaten by a tiger."
And I meant it. Who lies about a salary on a job posting?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Do you have a terrible interview story?
Internets, I'm sad to inform you that one of these days I am going to run out of interview stories to tell. But - oh no, don't cry, it's - oh, gosh, ok well I'll wait while you pull yourself together.
OK? Everyone good? Well, I will eventually run out of stories - you know, when I finally get a job, so in about, oh, 73 years - BUT it doesn't mean that the hilarious and terrible tales have to end!
Do YOU have a terrible interview story that you would like to share with the TENS OF PEOPLE who read this blog EVERY DAY? You do? HOORAY.
Let me know and I will post it here. I will even write it for you if you don't feel like doing it yourself. Oh yes. I have time on my hands, friends.
So. Think about it. Let me know. Tell your own terrible interview stories, and watch as all of your wildest dreams come true.
Erm...that is, if your wildest dream is to appear on...this blog.
OK? Everyone good? Well, I will eventually run out of stories - you know, when I finally get a job, so in about, oh, 73 years - BUT it doesn't mean that the hilarious and terrible tales have to end!
Do YOU have a terrible interview story that you would like to share with the TENS OF PEOPLE who read this blog EVERY DAY? You do? HOORAY.
Let me know and I will post it here. I will even write it for you if you don't feel like doing it yourself. Oh yes. I have time on my hands, friends.
So. Think about it. Let me know. Tell your own terrible interview stories, and watch as all of your wildest dreams come true.
Erm...that is, if your wildest dream is to appear on...this blog.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
In which my interviewer has no idea who I am
So. Have you ever gone into an interview and had the sneaking suspicion that your interviewer has no idea who you are? Like, you know, he was really hassled that morning and didn't have time to get any coffee and he's kind of got a lot on his mind and sort of forgot that you were supposed to be coming in for an interview, and then all of a sudden you show up in the doorway of his office and he's all, "Oh! Hey...hey, uh, you! Who...I mean, do you, uh, have a copy of your resume? Because I don't, uh, have - have it on me. Yeah."
And then, because you are an interview PRO at this point and DO have MULTIPLE copies of your resume, you pass it over to him, and he tries to act like he's just skimming it, but you can tell that he's really trying to read it intently because he STILL HAS NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE?
And then he says "Soo...I, uh, I'm not really sure what to ask you, because I, well - I sort of forgot you were coming in today."
And you say, "Oh! Um...well, I...I guess I'll just tell you about my background, and why, um...why I might be good for this - this job," and you awkwardly talk about yourself for ten minutes?
And then, of all the things you mentioned, for some reason he latches onto the fact that you once used a Canon ZR900 digital camera, and he asks you 15 questions about various Cannon models and whether he should buy one?
And then he thanks you for coming in, and then you never hear from him again?
Anyone? No? Just me?
Super.
AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, in retrospect, he looked a lot like this creepy man.
And that makes me shudder because that is the SCARIEST COMMERCIAL I HAVE EVER SEEN. I want to tell that women to RUN FOR HER LIFE because her boyfriend is an AXE MURDERER who has probably already taken the battery out of her car and cut all the phone lines to their mountain cabin.
I don't care what kind of necklace he gives you, lady, it's NOT WORTH IT.
And then, because you are an interview PRO at this point and DO have MULTIPLE copies of your resume, you pass it over to him, and he tries to act like he's just skimming it, but you can tell that he's really trying to read it intently because he STILL HAS NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE?
And then he says "Soo...I, uh, I'm not really sure what to ask you, because I, well - I sort of forgot you were coming in today."
And you say, "Oh! Um...well, I...I guess I'll just tell you about my background, and why, um...why I might be good for this - this job," and you awkwardly talk about yourself for ten minutes?
And then, of all the things you mentioned, for some reason he latches onto the fact that you once used a Canon ZR900 digital camera, and he asks you 15 questions about various Cannon models and whether he should buy one?
And then he thanks you for coming in, and then you never hear from him again?
Anyone? No? Just me?
Super.
AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, in retrospect, he looked a lot like this creepy man.
And that makes me shudder because that is the SCARIEST COMMERCIAL I HAVE EVER SEEN. I want to tell that women to RUN FOR HER LIFE because her boyfriend is an AXE MURDERER who has probably already taken the battery out of her car and cut all the phone lines to their mountain cabin.
I don't care what kind of necklace he gives you, lady, it's NOT WORTH IT.
Monday, November 16, 2009
In which my interviewer tells me about her dating past
Gooooooood morning internets! Sorry for the weeklong delay in posting. Sorry sorry sorry. But we are BACK with a brand-new terrible interview story.
Now, I was holding off on posting this one, because I thought I actually had a decent shot at landing this job, because I came in twice and met everybody and they were all "well this is just GREAT when can you start?" and I was all "oooh immediately! IMMEDIATELY!"
And then I never heard from them again.
So. I guess now I can blog about it. Yay, silver lining.
Alright, so this job was a press job at an, erm...controversial organization, if you will. I won't get into specifics, but let's just say, had I gotten the job, I probably would have alienated, ah, roughly half of my friends. And half of America, maybe. But WHATEVER, I NEED A JORB, PEOPLE.
So.
Due to a variety of weird timing and scheduling issues, I ended up having to meet my interviewer, a lady who would have been my boss, at a cafe on a Saturday afternoon at 2 p.m.
I show up at said cafe at 1:50.
"I'm a little early," I think, "so I'll just wait for a bit."
La la la, waiting.
2:15. Hmm. Not here yet. Fine, no problem, just keep waiting.
2:30. Uggggh. Really? It is just me, or do I always end up waiting for these people? Is any interviewer capable of showing up on time? ANYONE?
2:45. Nothing.
2:50. OMG MAYBE I HAVE THE WRONG CAFE. Oh my gosh. Must call and find out.
[Interviewer lady]: "Hello?"
Me: "Erm, hello, hi, this is [K], I was just calling to check that I, um, had the right time for us to- "
[Lady]: "Yeah I was just going to call you. I'm just finishing up a photo shoot with [head of company]. I'll be there in 20 minutes."
Me: "OK, great! See you then."
Click.
I wait for 20 minutes...plus another 30 after that until [lady] finally arrives. Hooray.
[Lady]: "OK," she says. "Let's get started."
Blah blah standard interview stuff blah blah.
[Lady]: "Oh, I see that you have some radio experience - I started out in radio."
Me: "Oh, really?"
[Lady]: "Yep, and later on I worked for [famous radio host] for awhile."
Me: "Oh wow, I love [famous radio host]!"
[Lady]: "Well, she's no fun to work for, let me tell you."
Me: "Really? Why not?"
[Lady]: "I mean, I started producing for her, and then she would want me to do stuff like...run errands for her, and hire painters to paint her living room."
Me: "She did?"
[Lady]: "Yeah, and then when she didn't like the painters I hired, she wanted me to paint it myself."
Me: "Woah."
[Lady]: "Yeah. This guy I was engaged to at the time kept telling me, you know, that's not normal."
Me: "Haha. Well, no, I would think not."
[Lady]: "Anyway. I see here that you worked on a documentary?"
Me: "Oh, yes! I did, it was for PBS and it was about the civil rights movement in Virgina. Actually, it aired this year."
[Lady]: "That's great, I actually used to work on documentaries for the History Channel and the Travel Channel."
Me: "Oh, wow. That must have been amazing."
[Lady]: "Yeah." Pauses. "Let's watch a trailer!"
Pulls out laptop and starts loading trailer.
Me: "Oh...ok! Great! Sure!"
So, we watch the trailer for this documentary she worked on. At one point the trailer shows a cute little old couple sitting side-by-side on a park bench.
Me: "Aww. They look like a nice couple."
[Lady]: "Yeah."
Long pause.
[Lady]: "Do you think that people really can stay together forever?"
Me: "Erm."
[Lady]: Watching me intently.
Me: "Erm...I...yes, I think so. Um, if you're - if you're lucky, I guess."
[Lady]: "Yeah." Pauses again. "I'm on my way to visit my boyfriend later. He lives in [nearby city]."
Me: "Oh! Um, well, that's - that's nice, that's not so far away."
[Lady]: "It's not, although it does get a little annoying."
Me: "Ah. Well, yes, I suppose it would."
[Lady]: Staring dreamily off into space.
Me: "Erm...well, maybe someday he'll move here, so you won't have to keep going back and forth."
[Lady]: "Yeah, because I hate moving. This other guy that I was engaged to..."
Me, inwardly: Ah...two engagements? Did I hear that right?
[Lady]: "We moved in together, and we did it the best way ever. I hired people to pack for me and then unpack for me. We got to the new apartment that night and it was like we had lived there for a year."
Me: "Erm..."
[Lady]: More dreamy silence.
Me: "Ha, that's - that's definitely the way to move!"
[Lady]: "Yeah. Anyway, can you come in again this week?"
Me: "Oh...sure."
There was definitely more relationship talk to this interview, but I sadly can't remember what else she brought up - all I know is that by the end of it, I knew, like, her entire romantic life story. Then I came all the way back to DC to meet with other people at the company, which ended up being a five-minute interview consisting mainly of talking about my Amtrak train ride.
And then I never heard from them again. Just as well. I did like that lady, actually, but I could tell she's an over-share-er. And one generally does not want to work for an over-share-er.
Now, I was holding off on posting this one, because I thought I actually had a decent shot at landing this job, because I came in twice and met everybody and they were all "well this is just GREAT when can you start?" and I was all "oooh immediately! IMMEDIATELY!"
And then I never heard from them again.
So. I guess now I can blog about it. Yay, silver lining.
Alright, so this job was a press job at an, erm...controversial organization, if you will. I won't get into specifics, but let's just say, had I gotten the job, I probably would have alienated, ah, roughly half of my friends. And half of America, maybe. But WHATEVER, I NEED A JORB, PEOPLE.
So.
Due to a variety of weird timing and scheduling issues, I ended up having to meet my interviewer, a lady who would have been my boss, at a cafe on a Saturday afternoon at 2 p.m.
I show up at said cafe at 1:50.
"I'm a little early," I think, "so I'll just wait for a bit."
La la la, waiting.
2:15. Hmm. Not here yet. Fine, no problem, just keep waiting.
2:30. Uggggh. Really? It is just me, or do I always end up waiting for these people? Is any interviewer capable of showing up on time? ANYONE?
2:45. Nothing.
2:50. OMG MAYBE I HAVE THE WRONG CAFE. Oh my gosh. Must call and find out.
[Interviewer lady]: "Hello?"
Me: "Erm, hello, hi, this is [K], I was just calling to check that I, um, had the right time for us to- "
[Lady]: "Yeah I was just going to call you. I'm just finishing up a photo shoot with [head of company]. I'll be there in 20 minutes."
Me: "OK, great! See you then."
Click.
I wait for 20 minutes...plus another 30 after that until [lady] finally arrives. Hooray.
[Lady]: "OK," she says. "Let's get started."
Blah blah standard interview stuff blah blah.
[Lady]: "Oh, I see that you have some radio experience - I started out in radio."
Me: "Oh, really?"
[Lady]: "Yep, and later on I worked for [famous radio host] for awhile."
Me: "Oh wow, I love [famous radio host]!"
[Lady]: "Well, she's no fun to work for, let me tell you."
Me: "Really? Why not?"
[Lady]: "I mean, I started producing for her, and then she would want me to do stuff like...run errands for her, and hire painters to paint her living room."
Me: "She did?"
[Lady]: "Yeah, and then when she didn't like the painters I hired, she wanted me to paint it myself."
Me: "Woah."
[Lady]: "Yeah. This guy I was engaged to at the time kept telling me, you know, that's not normal."
Me: "Haha. Well, no, I would think not."
[Lady]: "Anyway. I see here that you worked on a documentary?"
Me: "Oh, yes! I did, it was for PBS and it was about the civil rights movement in Virgina. Actually, it aired this year."
[Lady]: "That's great, I actually used to work on documentaries for the History Channel and the Travel Channel."
Me: "Oh, wow. That must have been amazing."
[Lady]: "Yeah." Pauses. "Let's watch a trailer!"
Pulls out laptop and starts loading trailer.
Me: "Oh...ok! Great! Sure!"
So, we watch the trailer for this documentary she worked on. At one point the trailer shows a cute little old couple sitting side-by-side on a park bench.
Me: "Aww. They look like a nice couple."
[Lady]: "Yeah."
Long pause.
[Lady]: "Do you think that people really can stay together forever?"
Me: "Erm."
[Lady]: Watching me intently.
Me: "Erm...I...yes, I think so. Um, if you're - if you're lucky, I guess."
[Lady]: "Yeah." Pauses again. "I'm on my way to visit my boyfriend later. He lives in [nearby city]."
Me: "Oh! Um, well, that's - that's nice, that's not so far away."
[Lady]: "It's not, although it does get a little annoying."
Me: "Ah. Well, yes, I suppose it would."
[Lady]: Staring dreamily off into space.
Me: "Erm...well, maybe someday he'll move here, so you won't have to keep going back and forth."
[Lady]: "Yeah, because I hate moving. This other guy that I was engaged to..."
Me, inwardly: Ah...two engagements? Did I hear that right?
[Lady]: "We moved in together, and we did it the best way ever. I hired people to pack for me and then unpack for me. We got to the new apartment that night and it was like we had lived there for a year."
Me: "Erm..."
[Lady]: More dreamy silence.
Me: "Ha, that's - that's definitely the way to move!"
[Lady]: "Yeah. Anyway, can you come in again this week?"
Me: "Oh...sure."
There was definitely more relationship talk to this interview, but I sadly can't remember what else she brought up - all I know is that by the end of it, I knew, like, her entire romantic life story. Then I came all the way back to DC to meet with other people at the company, which ended up being a five-minute interview consisting mainly of talking about my Amtrak train ride.
And then I never heard from them again. Just as well. I did like that lady, actually, but I could tell she's an over-share-er. And one generally does not want to work for an over-share-er.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
In which I am interviewed by 12-year-olds
Today's terrible interview story comes courtesy of an iconic New York City institution. Yes, internets, it is indeed iconic. And when they called to ask me to come interview for a press job I just about flipped out because it sounded like the COOLEST JOB IN THE WORLD. New York City! Iconic institutions! I have another shot at my romatic-comedy-set-in-New-York ideal world!
Naturally, I didn't tell anyone about it, because I had already learned my lesson about telling everyone about interviews in New York City (see: 'In which I am made to interview for a different job'). So I snuck up to New York in the dark of night...er, on the bus, actually, in broad daylight, but the point is, it was a top-secret mission.
So, the bus arrives on time, I tidy myself up in the bathroom in Penn Station - managing not to get grosser just by going in there - and skip to the interview. La la la! It's a pretty day in New York City! I have an interview for the perfect job! Hello, homeless man! Hello, disgruntled subway commuter! Hello, starving off-Broadway dancer living with 10 people in a studio apartment and no running water! HELLO NEW YORK! LA LA LALALA!
I arrive at my interview destination.
"HELLO!" I boom to the building guard. "I'M HERE FOR AN INTERVIEW! WITH [ICONIC INSTITUTION]! HELLO! HELLO HELLO!"
Guard, raising his eyebrows and wearily picking up the phone: "Girl you need to CALM YOURSELF."
Me: "Erm...ahem. Yes. Sorry about that."
Guard: "Alright. You can go upstairs."
Me: "Thank you."
I go upstairs and sit in the waiting room and end up waiting for, like, 45 minutes, which gives me plenty of time to really build up the importance of this interview in my head and therefore make myself very, very nervous. I keep thinking "man this would be such a great job, and this is an important interview, so DON'T BLOW IT," which then reminds me of the Blue Oyster Cult sketch on SNL where Will Ferrell threatens to walk out of the recording studio because they're not taking the cowbell seriously and Chris Kattan is like "DON'T BLOW THIS FOR US, GENE." And then of course Christopher Walken comes out and is all "I GOT A FEVER, AND THE ONLY PRESCRIPTION IS MORE COWBELL," and -
"[K]"? Oh - someone is calling my name.
Me: "Yes! Hello!"
[Receptionist]: "They're ready for you now."
Me: "Great."
I walk into the office where two girls are waiting for me. Two girls who look younger than me...which, by the way, is hard to do, because I look about 16.
[Girl #1]: "Hi [K]. I'm [Girl #1]. I'm in the HR department - we always do an HR interview screen first, with all of our candidates."
Me: "Oh, OK, so - you're not with the communications department, then."
[Girl #1]: "No. If you get to the next round, you'll meet the communications team."
Me: "OK. Got it."
[Girl #1]: "And this is [Girl #2]. She's in training and she's going to sit in with me and ask you some questions as well."
Me: "OK, great."
[Girl #1]: "[Girl #2], do you want to start?"
[Girl #2], clearing her throat, sitting up straight, and reading from a notepad: "Tell us about a time where you used your communications skills."
Me: "Erm."
[Girls #1 and #2]: Looking at me expectantly.
Me: "Ah, well, I...hee, I've sort of been doing that for a living, these past few years."
[Girls #1 and #2]: Still looking at me expectantly.
Me: "Um...but I guess I can point to some, um, specific examples. For example..." blah blah communications experience blah.
[Girl #2]: "OK." Makes note in her notepad.
Me: Uncertain silence.
[Girl #2], reading from notepad: "Tell us about a time where you had to solve a problem."
Me: "Erm...well, I - I guess there have been, ah, several times..."
[Girls #1 and #2]: Again, waiting expectantly.
Me: "Ah. Well, I guess a good example would be the time..." blah blah stupid story about dealing with breaking news/bad press whatever blah.
[Girl #2]: "OK." Writes again in notepad.
[Girl #1], reading from her own notepad: "What do you like best about communications."
Um...good gravy.
The interview continues like this for another 30 minutes {"Tell us about a time where you had to work together with someone," "Tell us about a time where you overcame an obstacle") and then:
[Girls #1 and #2]: "OK thank you for coming."
Me: "Oh! Well, thank you very much. I just - I know that this position requires fairly advanced knowledge of video editing tools, and I wanted to tell you I - "
Blank looks from [Girls #1 and #2]
Me: "Erm, that...that, I've edited quite a bit, and have filmed for myself, so..."
More blank stares.
Me: "So...I wanted to let you know that I, um, I've had some experience with that. And I also know the position would involve substantial writing, and I..."
More. Blank. Staring.
Me: "I, um, have done a great deal, a wide variety, really, of writing, and I'm happy to provide you with samples, if...if you'd like."
[Girl #1]: "OK. Thanks."
Me: "Um...thank you. Thank you! This is - this sounds like a really wonderful opportunity."
[Girl #1]: "Mmm-hmm. Thanks for coming."
Me: "Erm...you're welcome."
I exit the building and promptly think, "Ummmmmm...what just happened? Is it me, or did we...not talk about the job, at all? Did I mess this up? OH GOSH I MUST HAVE MESSED IT UP BUT HOW? HOW? GAAAAAAAAAH."
And then, of course, since I was agitated and anxious, the New York City streets around me went from being happy and sunny and lovely to "hey hey HEY, ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME, CAB DRIVER? DO YOU NOT SEE THAT YOU HAVE A RED LIGHT? I MEAN REALLY. Oh hey lady DO NOT THINK YOU CAN CUT IN FRONT OF ME IN THE TRAIN LINE AT PENN STATION. OH NO, NO NO," and on and on.
Oh, well. Anyway, I, of course, did not get called back for round two. New York, you and I will just have to wait to be together, it seems.
In conclusion: "I'm telling you, you're gonna want that cowbell."
Naturally, I didn't tell anyone about it, because I had already learned my lesson about telling everyone about interviews in New York City (see: 'In which I am made to interview for a different job'). So I snuck up to New York in the dark of night...er, on the bus, actually, in broad daylight, but the point is, it was a top-secret mission.
So, the bus arrives on time, I tidy myself up in the bathroom in Penn Station - managing not to get grosser just by going in there - and skip to the interview. La la la! It's a pretty day in New York City! I have an interview for the perfect job! Hello, homeless man! Hello, disgruntled subway commuter! Hello, starving off-Broadway dancer living with 10 people in a studio apartment and no running water! HELLO NEW YORK! LA LA LALALA!
I arrive at my interview destination.
"HELLO!" I boom to the building guard. "I'M HERE FOR AN INTERVIEW! WITH [ICONIC INSTITUTION]! HELLO! HELLO HELLO!"
Guard, raising his eyebrows and wearily picking up the phone: "Girl you need to CALM YOURSELF."
Me: "Erm...ahem. Yes. Sorry about that."
Guard: "Alright. You can go upstairs."
Me: "Thank you."
I go upstairs and sit in the waiting room and end up waiting for, like, 45 minutes, which gives me plenty of time to really build up the importance of this interview in my head and therefore make myself very, very nervous. I keep thinking "man this would be such a great job, and this is an important interview, so DON'T BLOW IT," which then reminds me of the Blue Oyster Cult sketch on SNL where Will Ferrell threatens to walk out of the recording studio because they're not taking the cowbell seriously and Chris Kattan is like "DON'T BLOW THIS FOR US, GENE." And then of course Christopher Walken comes out and is all "I GOT A FEVER, AND THE ONLY PRESCRIPTION IS MORE COWBELL," and -
"[K]"? Oh - someone is calling my name.
Me: "Yes! Hello!"
[Receptionist]: "They're ready for you now."
Me: "Great."
I walk into the office where two girls are waiting for me. Two girls who look younger than me...which, by the way, is hard to do, because I look about 16.
[Girl #1]: "Hi [K]. I'm [Girl #1]. I'm in the HR department - we always do an HR interview screen first, with all of our candidates."
Me: "Oh, OK, so - you're not with the communications department, then."
[Girl #1]: "No. If you get to the next round, you'll meet the communications team."
Me: "OK. Got it."
[Girl #1]: "And this is [Girl #2]. She's in training and she's going to sit in with me and ask you some questions as well."
Me: "OK, great."
[Girl #1]: "[Girl #2], do you want to start?"
[Girl #2], clearing her throat, sitting up straight, and reading from a notepad: "Tell us about a time where you used your communications skills."
Me: "Erm."
[Girls #1 and #2]: Looking at me expectantly.
Me: "Ah, well, I...hee, I've sort of been doing that for a living, these past few years."
[Girls #1 and #2]: Still looking at me expectantly.
Me: "Um...but I guess I can point to some, um, specific examples. For example..." blah blah communications experience blah.
[Girl #2]: "OK." Makes note in her notepad.
Me: Uncertain silence.
[Girl #2], reading from notepad: "Tell us about a time where you had to solve a problem."
Me: "Erm...well, I - I guess there have been, ah, several times..."
[Girls #1 and #2]: Again, waiting expectantly.
Me: "Ah. Well, I guess a good example would be the time..." blah blah stupid story about dealing with breaking news/bad press whatever blah.
[Girl #2]: "OK." Writes again in notepad.
[Girl #1], reading from her own notepad: "What do you like best about communications."
Um...good gravy.
The interview continues like this for another 30 minutes {"Tell us about a time where you had to work together with someone," "Tell us about a time where you overcame an obstacle") and then:
[Girls #1 and #2]: "OK thank you for coming."
Me: "Oh! Well, thank you very much. I just - I know that this position requires fairly advanced knowledge of video editing tools, and I wanted to tell you I - "
Blank looks from [Girls #1 and #2]
Me: "Erm, that...that, I've edited quite a bit, and have filmed for myself, so..."
More blank stares.
Me: "So...I wanted to let you know that I, um, I've had some experience with that. And I also know the position would involve substantial writing, and I..."
More. Blank. Staring.
Me: "I, um, have done a great deal, a wide variety, really, of writing, and I'm happy to provide you with samples, if...if you'd like."
[Girl #1]: "OK. Thanks."
Me: "Um...thank you. Thank you! This is - this sounds like a really wonderful opportunity."
[Girl #1]: "Mmm-hmm. Thanks for coming."
Me: "Erm...you're welcome."
I exit the building and promptly think, "Ummmmmm...what just happened? Is it me, or did we...not talk about the job, at all? Did I mess this up? OH GOSH I MUST HAVE MESSED IT UP BUT HOW? HOW? GAAAAAAAAAH."
And then, of course, since I was agitated and anxious, the New York City streets around me went from being happy and sunny and lovely to "hey hey HEY, ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME, CAB DRIVER? DO YOU NOT SEE THAT YOU HAVE A RED LIGHT? I MEAN REALLY. Oh hey lady DO NOT THINK YOU CAN CUT IN FRONT OF ME IN THE TRAIN LINE AT PENN STATION. OH NO, NO NO," and on and on.
Oh, well. Anyway, I, of course, did not get called back for round two. New York, you and I will just have to wait to be together, it seems.
In conclusion: "I'm telling you, you're gonna want that cowbell."
Monday, November 9, 2009
In which the interview never happens
So, this was another interview at a PR firm. Eh, PR firms; I can't get too excited about them. I don't know what it is, exactly; I think it's that PR execs have this extreme arrogance about them with nothing to back it up. I mean, what is it that you DO to deserve to stick your nose so high in the air? I'll tell you; you go to fancy lunches and talk about things like "overarching communications and branding strategies" which, in reality, translates to: having your underpaid and overworked underlings write a few press releases and harass various reporters about writing stupid stories about your clients.
I think PR execs are just trying to make up for the fact that they didn't become lawyers.
Anyway, it's this kind of attitude that plays into today's brief terrible interview story.
So, like I said, I had a phone interview scheduled with one of these guys at one of these PR firms. And I was all, eh, not the best thing in the world but it IS a JOB POSSIBILITY so I got my hopes up and did all kinds of research and was READY for the phone interview.
I double-check the day and time: Friday, 2:00 p.m. Yes.
I settle myself in the area of my house which gets the best cell-phone reception (the hallway, if you're wondering).
I am READY.
2:00. I'm so ready.
2:05. Well, naturally, he won't call RIGHT at two. He's busy. Two-ISH he'll call, I'm sure.
2:10. Still nothing, but surely he's just been delayed a bit.
2:15. I straighten the various coats hanging on the pegs in the hallway.
2:20. Oh my God. Did I screw this up? Do I have the wrong day? Wrong time? Oh my God.
2:25. I check my email. Hmm...confirmation email says this Friday, 2:00 p.m. I send the PR exec a quick note and am all "oh hey, I just wanted to make sure I had the right day and time, har har!"
2:30. Nothing.
2:35. DUH. CALL HIM YOURSELF, EINSTEIN. I dial his number.
Voicemail.
"Hrrrrrrruph (oops, forgot to clear my throat BEFORE speaking into answering machine), uh, hi, [PR exec], this is [K]. I - I just wanted to check in with you, because I know we were scheduled to speak today at 2, and I just wanted to be sure I didn't miss you or mix up my times. So, if you could - could just, you know, uh...call - call me, that would be, um, great. Thanks." Click.
2:45. Maybe there was, like, a PR emergency. A "branding strategy" gone wrong. But surely he would have called quickly or sent an email asking to reschedule, right? Am I right?
3:30. I...do not know what to make of this. I guess I can leave the hallway now.
5:00. OK I think it's time for happy hour.
So this was Friday. Then on MONDAY NIGHT, I get the following response to that email I sent on Friday afternoon:
"Hi, [K]. Not a mistake. We were scheduled for Friday. Let's talk next week."
Ummm.
So, I may be overreacting, but - really? REALLY? No apology? No explanation? Not even a passing reference to the fact that I got all PSYCHED UP for this interview and then ALL PANICKY because nobody called me and then ALL SAD because I thought that he somehow decided I was too horrible to even BOTHER INTERVIEWING ME ON THE PHONE?
Nothing? No? Just me? OK.
Sigh.
P.S. I did hear that, many months later, he was fired. HA.
I think PR execs are just trying to make up for the fact that they didn't become lawyers.
Anyway, it's this kind of attitude that plays into today's brief terrible interview story.
So, like I said, I had a phone interview scheduled with one of these guys at one of these PR firms. And I was all, eh, not the best thing in the world but it IS a JOB POSSIBILITY so I got my hopes up and did all kinds of research and was READY for the phone interview.
I double-check the day and time: Friday, 2:00 p.m. Yes.
I settle myself in the area of my house which gets the best cell-phone reception (the hallway, if you're wondering).
I am READY.
2:00. I'm so ready.
2:05. Well, naturally, he won't call RIGHT at two. He's busy. Two-ISH he'll call, I'm sure.
2:10. Still nothing, but surely he's just been delayed a bit.
2:15. I straighten the various coats hanging on the pegs in the hallway.
2:20. Oh my God. Did I screw this up? Do I have the wrong day? Wrong time? Oh my God.
2:25. I check my email. Hmm...confirmation email says this Friday, 2:00 p.m. I send the PR exec a quick note and am all "oh hey, I just wanted to make sure I had the right day and time, har har!"
2:30. Nothing.
2:35. DUH. CALL HIM YOURSELF, EINSTEIN. I dial his number.
Voicemail.
"Hrrrrrrruph (oops, forgot to clear my throat BEFORE speaking into answering machine), uh, hi, [PR exec], this is [K]. I - I just wanted to check in with you, because I know we were scheduled to speak today at 2, and I just wanted to be sure I didn't miss you or mix up my times. So, if you could - could just, you know, uh...call - call me, that would be, um, great. Thanks." Click.
2:45. Maybe there was, like, a PR emergency. A "branding strategy" gone wrong. But surely he would have called quickly or sent an email asking to reschedule, right? Am I right?
3:30. I...do not know what to make of this. I guess I can leave the hallway now.
5:00. OK I think it's time for happy hour.
So this was Friday. Then on MONDAY NIGHT, I get the following response to that email I sent on Friday afternoon:
"Hi, [K]. Not a mistake. We were scheduled for Friday. Let's talk next week."
Ummm.
So, I may be overreacting, but - really? REALLY? No apology? No explanation? Not even a passing reference to the fact that I got all PSYCHED UP for this interview and then ALL PANICKY because nobody called me and then ALL SAD because I thought that he somehow decided I was too horrible to even BOTHER INTERVIEWING ME ON THE PHONE?
Nothing? No? Just me? OK.
Sigh.
P.S. I did hear that, many months later, he was fired. HA.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
In which I talk politics
Much more recently, I interviewed for a job that was kind of a hybrid between marketing and government relations. I hadn't actually applied for it and didn't know much about the company or the actual job, so I went in armed with what little info I could pull off the internets.
I should mention that at one point I worked for a major political candidate on a big-deal campaign. So, you know, you have some background.
I walk into [interviewer]'s office and see a giant photo of him with his arm around the opposing political candidate.
Hmmm.
[Interviewer]: "Come in, come in, please have a seat!"
Me: "Thank you! It's nice to meet you."
[Interviewer]: "Likewise. Now, to begin..."
Blah blah standard interview stuff blah.
[Interviewer]: "Now, I see from your resume that you did some work for [major political candidate]."
Me: "Yes! It was a great experience, I loved it."
[Interviewer]: "Well, you guys did a great job."
Me: "Really? Ha, well, thank you!"
[Interviwer]: "I mean you did a great job GETTING [OPPOSING POLITICAL CANDIDATE] ELECTED."
Me: "Oh." Pfffffffffft says my balloon of pride.
[Interviewer]: "I mean, REALLY. How anyone could think that [major political candidate] would have won is beyond me. Abosolutely beyond me. We really crushed you guys, huh?"
Me: "Oh, I'm sorry, did you work for [oppositing political candidate]? I couldn't tell from the GIANT PHOTO OF HIM AND YOU in the middle of your office."
[Interviewer]: "Harharharharhar! That's funny."
I met with him again, later, where he asked questions like, "Tell me, how exactly does someone your age end up working for [political party]? Because it really is beyond me."
"Tell me," I thought in my head, "how does one find a big enough frame for that picture of yours? It is simply beyond me."
"Ha, haha," is what I actually said, "I, erm, well...I don't know."
Great comeback, no?
I should mention that at one point I worked for a major political candidate on a big-deal campaign. So, you know, you have some background.
I walk into [interviewer]'s office and see a giant photo of him with his arm around the opposing political candidate.
Hmmm.
[Interviewer]: "Come in, come in, please have a seat!"
Me: "Thank you! It's nice to meet you."
[Interviewer]: "Likewise. Now, to begin..."
Blah blah standard interview stuff blah.
[Interviewer]: "Now, I see from your resume that you did some work for [major political candidate]."
Me: "Yes! It was a great experience, I loved it."
[Interviewer]: "Well, you guys did a great job."
Me: "Really? Ha, well, thank you!"
[Interviwer]: "I mean you did a great job GETTING [OPPOSING POLITICAL CANDIDATE] ELECTED."
Me: "Oh." Pfffffffffft says my balloon of pride.
[Interviewer]: "I mean, REALLY. How anyone could think that [major political candidate] would have won is beyond me. Abosolutely beyond me. We really crushed you guys, huh?"
Me: "Oh, I'm sorry, did you work for [oppositing political candidate]? I couldn't tell from the GIANT PHOTO OF HIM AND YOU in the middle of your office."
[Interviewer]: "Harharharharhar! That's funny."
I met with him again, later, where he asked questions like, "Tell me, how exactly does someone your age end up working for [political party]? Because it really is beyond me."
"Tell me," I thought in my head, "how does one find a big enough frame for that picture of yours? It is simply beyond me."
"Ha, haha," is what I actually said, "I, erm, well...I don't know."
Great comeback, no?
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
In which I am terrified of my interviewer
OK, so, this story is actually from an interview that I had a few years ago. Even though I've gone on 1836403975 interviews this year and still have plenty of stories to share, this old one is pretty much begging to be blogged.
It takes place, yet again, in a newsroom.
This was your standard entry-level newsroom job - the kind that they tell you is sooooooo important and hard and nerve-wracking but in reality is just answering the phone and printing things.
First I meet with one of the bureau heads, a very nice lady, and everything goes well.
Then at the end of the interview, she says, "OK, now I'm going to bring in my colleague to ask you some final questions."
"OK, great!" I say.
"Now, I just want to warn you, she's a bit...aggressive," the nice lady says.
"Oh," I say. "Well, that's ok."
"Just try not to be intimidated," says the nice lady.
"Ah...sure."
Enter [PSYCHO LADY].
[PSYCHO LADY]: "Well, [K], is it?"
Me: "Yes, nice to meet you."
[PSYCHO LADY] sits on desk, folds her arms, and stares at me.
Me: Swallows nervously.
[PSYCHO LADY]: "Alright, let me ask you something. What would you do if a bomb went off outside?"
Me: "Erm. Pardon?"
[PSYCHO LADY]: "I asked you WHAT YOU WOULD DO IF A BOMB WENT OFF. OUTSIDE. RIGHT OUTSIDE."
Me: Unable to frame a response.
WTF? What...is she talking about? Does she mean...umm...would I stay if there were bombs exploding around me, or would I run for it like a normal person? Maybe she's asking whether I'd stay and report on the scene like a fearless journalist. That must be it.
Me: "Well, I'm sure we'd all be tempted to get away, but I would stay with the news team here, of course. It's our job to find out what's going on."
[PSYCHO LADY]: "Oh really? Really? Are you saying you wouldn't, oh, I don't know, CALL IN A CREW? You wouldn't think to do that? Really?"
Me: "Oh - oh! I'm sorry, I didn't realize what you meant exactly - "
[PSYCHO LADY]: "OK NEXT QUESTION."
Me: More nervous swallowing.
[PSYCHO LADY]: "Now let's say that we had a big medical story, like a disease outbreak, and we needed to get a doctor on the phone. And we knew the name of the doctor that we wanted, but we don't have a number for him."
Me: "OK."
[PSYCHO LADY]: "WHAT WOULD YOU DO? And you can't use the internet."
Me: "Erm...I'm sorry, um, why - why can't I use the internet?"
[PSYCHO LADY]: "BECAUSE IN MY DAY WE DIDN'T HAVE THE INTERNET. REAL REPORTING DOES NOT INCLUDE THE INTERNET. NOW WHAT WOULD YOU DO? OR ARE YOU INCAPABLE OF FINDING INFORMATION WITHOUT INTERNET ACCESS?"
Me: "OKAY. Alright, uh, well...since I, erm, can't use the internet..."
[PSYCHO LADY]: Stares daggers with her eyes.
Me: "Perhaps I'd tried calling the Mayo Clinic because I happen to have their number. And if this is a prominent doctor with a history of media appearances, they would probably be able to at least get me to his hospital or practice."
[PSYCHO LADY]: "Oh so you would call the Mayo Clinic but you wouldn't think to, I don't know, LOOK IN A PHONE BOOK? No phone book for you, huh?"
Me: "But...but, how would I know which city - "
[PSYCHO LADY]: "OK well we're obviously going to have to have you come in for a day and work so I can see what you've got."
Me: Sigh. "Great. That's...that'll be fun."
Then, I proceed to come in and work for a day, at the end of which [PSYCHO LADY] says, "well, I think you're going to need to come in again." So I go in and work another day. "Hmmm yeah well I'd like to have you come in again," says [PSYCHO LADY]. So I go in for a third day. Keep in mind that I am a) not being paid, and b) having to continously take off from the job I currently had this point so that I could keep coming in for "trial work days."
Then [PSYCHO LADY] wanted me to come in for A FOURTH DAY, at which point I put my foot down and said that I couldn't come in anymore, since I, you know, had another job.
And I never heard from them again.
Which turned out to be the best break ever, because I got a job in a much better newsroom the next week. Yay.
The end!
It takes place, yet again, in a newsroom.
This was your standard entry-level newsroom job - the kind that they tell you is sooooooo important and hard and nerve-wracking but in reality is just answering the phone and printing things.
First I meet with one of the bureau heads, a very nice lady, and everything goes well.
Then at the end of the interview, she says, "OK, now I'm going to bring in my colleague to ask you some final questions."
"OK, great!" I say.
"Now, I just want to warn you, she's a bit...aggressive," the nice lady says.
"Oh," I say. "Well, that's ok."
"Just try not to be intimidated," says the nice lady.
"Ah...sure."
Enter [PSYCHO LADY].
[PSYCHO LADY]: "Well, [K], is it?"
Me: "Yes, nice to meet you."
[PSYCHO LADY] sits on desk, folds her arms, and stares at me.
Me: Swallows nervously.
[PSYCHO LADY]: "Alright, let me ask you something. What would you do if a bomb went off outside?"
Me: "Erm. Pardon?"
[PSYCHO LADY]: "I asked you WHAT YOU WOULD DO IF A BOMB WENT OFF. OUTSIDE. RIGHT OUTSIDE."
Me: Unable to frame a response.
WTF? What...is she talking about? Does she mean...umm...would I stay if there were bombs exploding around me, or would I run for it like a normal person? Maybe she's asking whether I'd stay and report on the scene like a fearless journalist. That must be it.
Me: "Well, I'm sure we'd all be tempted to get away, but I would stay with the news team here, of course. It's our job to find out what's going on."
[PSYCHO LADY]: "Oh really? Really? Are you saying you wouldn't, oh, I don't know, CALL IN A CREW? You wouldn't think to do that? Really?"
Me: "Oh - oh! I'm sorry, I didn't realize what you meant exactly - "
[PSYCHO LADY]: "OK NEXT QUESTION."
Me: More nervous swallowing.
[PSYCHO LADY]: "Now let's say that we had a big medical story, like a disease outbreak, and we needed to get a doctor on the phone. And we knew the name of the doctor that we wanted, but we don't have a number for him."
Me: "OK."
[PSYCHO LADY]: "WHAT WOULD YOU DO? And you can't use the internet."
Me: "Erm...I'm sorry, um, why - why can't I use the internet?"
[PSYCHO LADY]: "BECAUSE IN MY DAY WE DIDN'T HAVE THE INTERNET. REAL REPORTING DOES NOT INCLUDE THE INTERNET. NOW WHAT WOULD YOU DO? OR ARE YOU INCAPABLE OF FINDING INFORMATION WITHOUT INTERNET ACCESS?"
Me: "OKAY. Alright, uh, well...since I, erm, can't use the internet..."
[PSYCHO LADY]: Stares daggers with her eyes.
Me: "Perhaps I'd tried calling the Mayo Clinic because I happen to have their number. And if this is a prominent doctor with a history of media appearances, they would probably be able to at least get me to his hospital or practice."
[PSYCHO LADY]: "Oh so you would call the Mayo Clinic but you wouldn't think to, I don't know, LOOK IN A PHONE BOOK? No phone book for you, huh?"
Me: "But...but, how would I know which city - "
[PSYCHO LADY]: "OK well we're obviously going to have to have you come in for a day and work so I can see what you've got."
Me: Sigh. "Great. That's...that'll be fun."
Then, I proceed to come in and work for a day, at the end of which [PSYCHO LADY] says, "well, I think you're going to need to come in again." So I go in and work another day. "Hmmm yeah well I'd like to have you come in again," says [PSYCHO LADY]. So I go in for a third day. Keep in mind that I am a) not being paid, and b) having to continously take off from the job I currently had this point so that I could keep coming in for "trial work days."
Then [PSYCHO LADY] wanted me to come in for A FOURTH DAY, at which point I put my foot down and said that I couldn't come in anymore, since I, you know, had another job.
And I never heard from them again.
Which turned out to be the best break ever, because I got a job in a much better newsroom the next week. Yay.
The end!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
In which I mention something I shouldn't
This next story is another one that was part of an interview that actually wasn't terrible. It wasn't super wonderful, but it wasn't terrible. It was just...standard, I guess.
Anyway, this interview was for a position at a company run by a famous political figure. Well, she's sort of famous in her own right, but she's mostly known for being related to someone who is a REALLY famous political figure. Like, even if you aren't up on your politics, you definitely know who the REALLY famous political figure is. And, well, you're probably not a fan. But whatevs, I'm a Republican, I'm used to the hate.
Anyway, I went in for the interview, but I didn't realize that [famous political figure] was actually going to be CONDUCTING the interview. I didn't even think she'd be there at all. So that was a surprise.
It turns out that she's really, REALLY nice, and the interview was fine - it was pretty obvious from the start that they were looking for someone older than me, which is fine, so I just tried to get through the rest of it without embarassing myself. Which I did, until...
[Famous political figure]: "Now, what have you been doing since January?"
Me, inwardly: Oh gee, I guess I've just really been DESPERATEY TRYING TO GET MYSELF EMPLOYED AGAIN.
Me, for real: "Well, I've done a couple of freelance projects, and I've gotten to travel a bit, which is nice, and, erm, I also worked on a movie, for a little bit."
[Famous political figure]: "Oh really? A movie? Here in DC?"
Me: "Well, sort of - it was already shot, but I just helped with some of the post-production work a bit."
[Famous political figure]: "What kind of a movie was it?"
Me, beginning to regret mentioning this: "Oh, it was, um, a small indie movie."
[Famous political figure]: "Yes, but what kind? You know, what genre?"
Me, really regretting this now: "Erm...well...it was, ah...it was...a samurai movie."
[Famous political figure]: "A...samurai movie?"
NOTE: OK...yes, I did work VERY BRIEFLY for this guy who was working on this samurai movie, and I was just doing, like, phone calls and emails, I wasn't, you know, running around set with swords and stuff, and it was only for like two weeks, and it was stupid, and obviously not the kind of thing you want to list as an accomplishment when interviewing in stuffy, political DC. And yet I bring it up in an interview. Good going EINSTEIN.
Me: "Um...yes. But...it's a really GOOD samurai movie." Lies. The movie is terrible.
[Famous political figure]: "Well...that's very...interesting. We...I guess we could use a few more samurai movies, right?"
Me: "Right! Haa, hee, I guess, you know, everything's better if you...ah...include a samurai movie."
[Famous political figure]: "Uh, yes...right. Ok, well, thanks for coming in."
In conclusion, I think the lesson here is: know your audience.
When interviewing with cool, hispter production companies - mention samurai movie work.
When interviewing with serious politicians - DO NOT mention samurai movie work.
Anyway, this interview was for a position at a company run by a famous political figure. Well, she's sort of famous in her own right, but she's mostly known for being related to someone who is a REALLY famous political figure. Like, even if you aren't up on your politics, you definitely know who the REALLY famous political figure is. And, well, you're probably not a fan. But whatevs, I'm a Republican, I'm used to the hate.
Anyway, I went in for the interview, but I didn't realize that [famous political figure] was actually going to be CONDUCTING the interview. I didn't even think she'd be there at all. So that was a surprise.
It turns out that she's really, REALLY nice, and the interview was fine - it was pretty obvious from the start that they were looking for someone older than me, which is fine, so I just tried to get through the rest of it without embarassing myself. Which I did, until...
[Famous political figure]: "Now, what have you been doing since January?"
Me, inwardly: Oh gee, I guess I've just really been DESPERATEY TRYING TO GET MYSELF EMPLOYED AGAIN.
Me, for real: "Well, I've done a couple of freelance projects, and I've gotten to travel a bit, which is nice, and, erm, I also worked on a movie, for a little bit."
[Famous political figure]: "Oh really? A movie? Here in DC?"
Me: "Well, sort of - it was already shot, but I just helped with some of the post-production work a bit."
[Famous political figure]: "What kind of a movie was it?"
Me, beginning to regret mentioning this: "Oh, it was, um, a small indie movie."
[Famous political figure]: "Yes, but what kind? You know, what genre?"
Me, really regretting this now: "Erm...well...it was, ah...it was...a samurai movie."
[Famous political figure]: "A...samurai movie?"
NOTE: OK...yes, I did work VERY BRIEFLY for this guy who was working on this samurai movie, and I was just doing, like, phone calls and emails, I wasn't, you know, running around set with swords and stuff, and it was only for like two weeks, and it was stupid, and obviously not the kind of thing you want to list as an accomplishment when interviewing in stuffy, political DC. And yet I bring it up in an interview. Good going EINSTEIN.
Me: "Um...yes. But...it's a really GOOD samurai movie." Lies. The movie is terrible.
[Famous political figure]: "Well...that's very...interesting. We...I guess we could use a few more samurai movies, right?"
Me: "Right! Haa, hee, I guess, you know, everything's better if you...ah...include a samurai movie."
[Famous political figure]: "Uh, yes...right. Ok, well, thanks for coming in."
In conclusion, I think the lesson here is: know your audience.
When interviewing with cool, hispter production companies - mention samurai movie work.
When interviewing with serious politicians - DO NOT mention samurai movie work.
Monday, November 2, 2009
In which I am ignored, repeatedly
This is also a super quick post - I promise I shall have more actual interview stories starting tomorrow, but anyway - I am particularly frustrated right now because I'm currently being ignored by a company that has already brought me in for two interviews and now...is ignoring me. And also, this is the THIRD company that's done that to me.
I mean, I can obviously understand ignoring the initial application. These people are getting 9000 applications an hour, no? So, you know, I see the job posting, I apply, I stalk the internets for people I might know there who I can harass about the job, and then I go about my day. Whatevs.
I can SORT OF understand ignoring me after the first interview - I mean, if it was just, like, a phone interview, and you didn't even bring me into the office so you could walk me up and down the cubicles and awkwardly introduce me to people passing by whom I'll never see again - I suppose I can understand that.
But making me come in for TWO interviews in which I had to pay LOTS OF MONEYS so I could actually travel BACK DOWN TO DC for YOUR INTERVIEWS and then PRETENDING LIKE YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF ME when I try to nicely ask, three weeks later, "oh, hey, so, just wondering about this here job situation," is, I say, NOT NICE. NOT NICE AT ALL.
I realize that you think you have the upper hand here, being "employed" and everything, and think that you can just get my hopes up and then crush them like a little bug, but I HAVE A BLOG. That is read by TENS OF PEOPLE A DAY. So I WILL BLOG ABOUT YOU and then you're going to feel REALLY BAD.
Yeah.
I mean, I can obviously understand ignoring the initial application. These people are getting 9000 applications an hour, no? So, you know, I see the job posting, I apply, I stalk the internets for people I might know there who I can harass about the job, and then I go about my day. Whatevs.
I can SORT OF understand ignoring me after the first interview - I mean, if it was just, like, a phone interview, and you didn't even bring me into the office so you could walk me up and down the cubicles and awkwardly introduce me to people passing by whom I'll never see again - I suppose I can understand that.
But making me come in for TWO interviews in which I had to pay LOTS OF MONEYS so I could actually travel BACK DOWN TO DC for YOUR INTERVIEWS and then PRETENDING LIKE YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF ME when I try to nicely ask, three weeks later, "oh, hey, so, just wondering about this here job situation," is, I say, NOT NICE. NOT NICE AT ALL.
I realize that you think you have the upper hand here, being "employed" and everything, and think that you can just get my hopes up and then crush them like a little bug, but I HAVE A BLOG. That is read by TENS OF PEOPLE A DAY. So I WILL BLOG ABOUT YOU and then you're going to feel REALLY BAD.
Yeah.
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