Holy cats, I cannot tell you how excited I was when an HR lady from [x] news network called to ask me to come up to NEW YORK CITY for an interview for [x] news show. I am a bit obsessed with the idea of moving to New York to work in television because I have the misguided notion that my life will be like a delightful romantic comedy, when in reality I would probably be working long hours for zero dollars, living with 6 people in a studio apartment, and unable to buy food. Actually, that's not a far cry from my life in DC.
Anyway. I of course told everyone I ever met that I was heading up to NEW YORK CITY to interview at [x] network for [x] show. [x] network is more of a "business" network, but I had worked with some of their producers in my last job, so I was all, "oh I am an EXPERT. yes i am."
So. I journey to NYC, which involves a bus, and then a train, and then a cab, and then waiting at an intersection on the streets of New York for a shuttle van to take me to the studio, which...is not actually in New York. It is, it turns out, in...New Jersey.
Hmmm.
I get in the van.
Driver: "Going to Atlantic City, right? Let's go."
Me: "What? WHAT? NO! I'm not...WAIT STOP THE VAN THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE, I'M NOT-"
Driver: "I'm just kidding."
Me: "Oh...ha."
Driver: "I like to mess with people in the van."
Me: "That's...that's...cool. Ha."
Driver: "But we are going to Jersey. That's where the studio is. Don't worry, it's not that far. Be there in a jiffy."
Me: "Great. Jersey. Yay."
It really isn't that far (physically, at least...mentally, New Jersey might as well be Kazakstan) and I arrive and see the studio and sit down in the office of the HR lady.
HR Lady: "I liked your resume. I always like to pursue the resumes that I like."
Me: "Oh, thank you! I'm very excited to have the opportunity to interview here."
HR Lady: "The thing is, [x] show is looking for someone who has a financial journalism background, and I can see right away from your resume that you don't have that."
Me: "Oh. Well, no, not specifically in finance. More in political news, and in the energy markets, but-"
HR Lady: "Right. So we're not going to consider you for this job."
Me: Surprised silence.
HR Lady: Silence.
Me: I blink.
Me: "But...you...wanted me to come up for an interview."
HR Lady: "I would have just done a phone screen. You were the one who said you were going to be in the area."
NOTE: I did say that. But in my defense, when she first called, she was all "well we'd LOVE to have you actually come to the STUDIO if you're going to be up in the area by ANY chance, that would be FABULOUS. Ifnotwecanjustdoaphoneinterviewthanks." So of course I was all "oh yes I just happen to be going to New York that very week what a coincidence!" Am I right?
Me: "Right. Well...ok, then."
HR Lady: Scribbles something down on her notebook.
Me: Blinks again.
HR Lady: "You know...[Y] show is looking for someone. I think I'll have you interview with the executive producer. Stay here."
She walks out and disappears.
Me, inwardly: [Y] show? I don't know anything about [Y] show! Nobody told me I was going to be interviewing for [Y] show! Omgomgomgomg. What if the producer asks me specific questions about [Y] and I DON'T KNOW? I can't tell her I DON'T EVEN KNOW. HOW AM I GOING TO HANDLE THIS.
HR Lady returns.
HR Lady: "Well, she's in crashing mode right now, but she'll be able to talk to you around 5:30."
It's currently 2:30.
Me: "Erm...great!"
HR Lady: "You can wait in the cafeteria and then come to the green room at 5:30. She'll be there."
Me: "Oh...ok! Will...will do. Thank you."
So I set up camp in the cafeteria and alternate between obsessively watching [X] network, which is playing on a TV in the corner, and calling anyone I know who might watch [Y] who can tell me more about it. I have, luckily, seen at least parts of the show a few times so I may be able to avoid looking like a complete idiot. Maybe.
Anyway. 5:30 rolls around. I make my way to the green room.
"Hello," says the green room guard.
"Hello," I say. "I'm just meeting a producer here. She's expecting me. She's going to come and get me."
"Okay," says the guard.
I wait.
And wait.
Wait wait wait wait.
Oh. I forgot to mention that [Y] show is hosted by someone who is rather famous. That was pretty much the only thing I knew about [Y] show.
Also, at this point, it's 6:30.
Wait wait wait wait wait wait.
[Famous host] walks by.
"Great!" I think. "They're done taping! The producer can't be far behind!"
Wait. Wait wait wait wait.
"Excuse me," I say to the guard. "Do you know [producer]? I'm not sure what she looks like and I'm wondering if you've seen her walk by."
"Oh, [producer]?" says the guard. "Yeah, I think she left."
"She...she left? Like, left the building?"
"Yeah, I think I saw her leave for her car."
Ummmm.
"And [HR Lady], she definitely left," adds the guard. "I definilely saw her leave."
"Oh," I say. "Umm...well...I mean, I came all the way up to New York, so...I guess I'll wait a little bit more. Just...just in case they come back. Because...I'm not sure what to do."
The guard shrugs. "Whatever."
Wait wait wait wait.
It's 7:30.
I get up to leave.
A woman comes barreling in the green room and picks up my suitcase and starts walking away.
Me: "Ummmmmmmmmmmm"
Woman, over her shoulder: "I'm [producer.] Thanks for waiting let's go to my office come on." She is already halfway down the hallway. With my suitcase. I run run run to catch up to her and follow her into her office.
We run through the standard background interview: blah blah production experience blah blah press experience blah blah energy blah blah television news blah blah fast-paced working environments blah.
[Producer]: "Now, tell me honestly - how much do you understand the financial markets?"
NOTE: I DO NOT AT ALL understand anything finance-related. I cannot even do math. This is true.
Me: "Erm...well...I...closely follow the financial news." Lies. All lies.
[Producer]: "Honestly, it's ok if you don't. I'll tell you, I didn't even know how the Dow worked when I started here!"
Me: "Oh haar hee hee!"
Oh God I do not at all understand how the Dow works.
[Producer]: "The point is, we can teach you these things. This isn't a hard-core finance show like some of the others are. You'll be able to learn the basics and go from there."
Me: "Oh, that sounds great. I would love that."
[Producer]: "Ok. Great. How about you take this writing test and email me the results when you're finished. How does that sound?"
Me: "Great! I'll get these to you right away."
[Producer]: "That's fabulous. Thanks so much for waiting, you're a trooper."
Me: "Oh, no problem, happy to do it." Lies.
[Producer]: "Oh. Also, we may not be able to hire for this position."
Me: "Erm...pardon?"
[Producer]: "We've had a lot of budget cuts, you know? But go ahead and do the writing test anyway. We might be able to hire someone...eventually."
Me: "Um...ok. Gr...great."
Needless to say...they did not hire anyone.
But the worst part was that I had stupidly TOLD everyone that I was interviewing, so for the next few weeks everyone I talked to was all "HEY! When are you moving to New York? You got that job, right?" And I had to be like, "oh...well...erm, no, actually." And then, you know, it's awkward for everyone.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment