In which I am thought to be an idiot and a liar

And the terrible interviews continue!

We come now to a more recent interview I had. (I'm not really going in chronological order but instead trying to space these out according to levels of drama/humor/incredulity and by how much the interviewer was an asshat. Asshat. One of my favorite words, although I'm not exactly sure what it is except that it's BAD.)

So, this was for an editor position at a publication that I loooove. I lurve it. It's not so well-known outside of DC, but it is awesome and I am a huge fan. Or should I say I WAS. (Just kidding. I still am a huge fan. It will take more than one terrible interview to stop me from reading this thing.)

Anyway, after applying for the position, I receieved an email from the editor asking for some times that would work for me to come in the following week. Huzzah!

Aaaand, then I realized that it was actually a mass email, sent to all of the candidates he was considering. Oh.

Of course we were all BCC'd, so there was no way of seeing who else was on the list and then Google-stalking them, but in yet another reminder of just how many unemployed people are vying for every single open position out there, I could tell that there were a LOT of people on that email. Mostly because the editor at one point wrote something about how he was SO stressed trying to schedule SO many interviews for this job and could we all PLEASE be flexible with our time.

Sir, I have NOTHING BUT TIME right now. I am nothing if not FLEXIBLE WITH MY TIME.

Now, I had another friend who had also applied for this job and who also got the mass email, and we talked about it a bit and at one point, I had thought she said something about the editor sending ANOTHER mass email with the interview schedule for the week.

Hmmm...I didn't get a second mass email. But I did get an email from the editor, straight to me, confirming out interview date and time and sounding perfectly pleasant.

Well, clearly I had misheard my friend! Everything was fine! Time to interview!

[I arrive at the office, we shake hands, smile, sit down, everything is fine, yay.]

Editor: "Now, did you bring the materials that I asked you to fill out and bring in?"

Me: Freezes in extremely confused silence.

Editor: "Yes?"

Me: "Oh - I'm sorry, I'm not sure which materials you mean."

Editor: "The forms that I emailed you?"

Me: "I...I don't believe I recieved any forms from you."

Editor: LONG EXASPERATED SIGH. Wearily turns to his keyboard and starts typing.

Me: [Furiously racking my brain] "I'm so sorry, I must have missed that somehow..."

Editor: [Looking at his computer] "Mmm-hmmm. Well. I did mention right at the beginning of this email to make sure you bring these forms with you. But I guess you missed it."

Me: "Oh, gosh, I don't - I just really don't remember reading that- "

Editor: "Right."

Me: [Completely sure I did not get any such email] "I'm...I'm so, so sorry...but...I don't believe I received this email."

Editor: [Peering at his computer again] "Were you the one that never responded to my first email?"

Me: "Erm...what?"

Editor: "Oh that's right. I had to follow up with you because you didn't respond right away, when I asked for times that you could interview."

Me: "Erm...well I think I sent you my times the next morning- "

Editor: "ARRRRRGH THIS PRINTER NEVER WORKS."

Me: "Pardon?"

I then realize that the editor is trying printing out these wayward "forms" for me to fill out during the interview. They turned out to be your standard background employment forms.

Me: "Oh well I can definitely fill these out right now, haaa it won't take any time at all!"

Editor: "Let's move on."

Me: "Ok."

So the interview hasn't even STARTED yet and this man thinks I'm a) an idiot, b) a liar, or c) both.

Editor: "Now, obviously this job is very politics-heavy. Are you well-versed in political news?"

Me: "Oh, yes. I worked on [x] campaign and for [x] network and I've been very involved in political communications since moving here. I'm a little removed from it right now, since I've been doing some temporary work up in Pennsylvania and- "

Editor: "What do you think of the Pennsylvania governor's race?"

Me: "Uh, ha, well, it's going to be very interesting."

Editor: "Tell me who the candidates are."

Me: "Ah, sure. Well, Gerlach just announced his candidacy, I think he'll be a pretty strong player."

Editor: "Mmm-hmm who else."

Me: "Um. Well, Tom Knox is running - he's a big name in Philadelphia, but not- "

Editor: "Right. Who else."

Me: "Erm, also...Corbett, who is...who is..." [GOOD LORD I CANNOT REMEMBER THE DETAILS OF EVERY PENNSYLVANIA GUBERNATORIAL CANDIDATE ARRRGH]

Me: "Who is...I believe...the former attorney general?"

Editor: "Actually he is the CURRENT ATTORNEY GENERAL."

Me: Nervous silence.

Editor: "Now. Let me ask you this. If you could go back two years and work on Hillary Clinton's presidenial campaign, what would you tell her so that she would succeed?"

Me: "Erm."

Editor: Waiting expectantly.

Me: "Well...if you look at my conservative political background, you'll see that if I went back two years, I, ha, probably wouldn't be working for Hillary Clinton."

Editor: Silence.

Me: "Errrrm...haha...hoo. Um. Well, I suppose I would tell her to keep Bill out of the spotlight from the beginning...I remember people comparing the Clintons to the Bushes, in that Hillary's election would be the continuation of another dynasty." Why can I not remember anything about her campaign? WHY?

Editor: "Hmm."

Me: "And...um...I would probably tell her not to cry, that one time, that she cried, in front of everyone?" Oh God my brain has stopped working.

Editor: "Ooooookay. Well, do you have any questions?"

Me: "Ah- "

Editor: "Because for better or worse, I'm done here."

Me: "Oh."

Nervous pause.

Me: "Uhh, I guess I should tell you why I...why I think I would be a good fit for...for this job."

Another five minutes of me bumbling through my qualifications and the editor looking extremely skeptical before I was dismissed.

Later, upon conferring with my friend, I realized that there WAS a second mass email sent out WITH THE FORMS and that NO, NO I WAS NOT ON IT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Perhaps the editor did realize this because I did get a second interview, which was perfectly fine, until they asked me who my favorite political pundit was and I said Jonah Goldberg, and right after I said that, inwardly I was all, "WTF? I barely even know who Jonah Golberg IS, why did I even say that?" and I think I also said something about creating a "conservative Daily Show" (SERIOUSLY BRAIN WTF WHY DO YOU KEEP CONKING OUT ON ME) and, obviously, did not end up getting the job.

Le sigh.