In which I start getting exasperated, on the inside

Hello hello hello! After a brief digression, consisting of me pretty much just generally complaining about the job search process (sorry, internets - but come on, IT GETS FRUSTRATING SOMETIMES), today we resume actual terrible interview stories.

Now, this was another one of those interviews where it wasn't all that ridiculous or funny, it was just...not very good.

Anyway - another day, another phone interview with another exec producer of another show on another news network. Yadda yadda yadda, story of my life. Here we go.

[Producer]: "Alright let's get started."

Me: "Great!"

[Producer]: "And I don't have a lot of time, so let's make this quick."

Me: "Erm...ok. Um...will do."

[Producer}: "I see you worked for [X] news network; tell me what you did there."

Me: "Sure. Well..." blah blah news production blah.

[Producer]: "Mmm-hmmm. Well, we're a lot more involved than [X] network here. You've got to understand that."

Me: "Oh! Erm...really?"

[Producer], laughing meanly: "Uh, YEAH. Do you watch the network at all? Yeah."

Me, inwardly: Sir, nobody watches your network. ZING!

Me, for real: "Har hee!" Awkward laugh.

[Producer]: "We do a lot more reporting than what you're probably used to."

Me: "Erm...ok."

[Producer]: "Alright so let me explain how this works. The show is [X] hours and you would associate produce [Y] number of those."

Me: "Oh, so this position doesn't work on the whole show?"

[Producer], in the tone one uses when talking to a small, stupid child: "No. Because. That. Would. Be. Impossible."

Me: "Erm. I see."

[Producer]: "Now, you've got to be able to work fast, react quickly, be able to do eight things at once. Graphics. Scripts. Video. Wires. I have to be able to rely on you. You got it?"

Me: "I got it."

[Producer]: "No. I'm serious. THIS IS SERIOUS. I can't have someone in the control room who'll break down and fall apart. It can't happen. You've gotta be able to take it. If - that's IF - I decide, after this interview, that you've made it to the next round - I don't bring you in for another cushy interview. I bring you on set for a few days to put you through the ringer and see if you've GOT WHAT IT TAKES."

Me, inwardly: Arrrrrgh ok ENOUGH with the "ZOMG DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO DO THE BROADCAST NEWS GAAAAH DO YOU?????" scare tactics already. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND DECENT. I mean, I GET IT. News is CRITICALLY IMPORTANT TO THE WELL-BEING OF THE NATIONAL CONCIOUSNESS and all that. Broadcast news is ZOMG SO FAST-PACED AND CUTTHROAT. But may I remind you that we are not PERFORMING EMERGENCY SURGERY ON AN OPERATING TABLE. We are not PULLING ORPHANS FROM A SIX-ALARM FIRE. We are not STORMING GUERILLA COMPOUNDS TO RESCUE PEACE ACTIVISTS FROM CERTAIN DEATH IN WAR-RAVAGED COUNTRIES. Good gravy, we are just PUTTING ON A FEW HOURS OF TELEVISION NEWS each day, half of which usually turns out to be WRONG ANYWAY. So FOR ONCE, could somebody SPARE ME the self-important "ZOMG IT'S SOO HAAAAAAAAARD GAAAAAAAAAAAH" lecture PLEASE.

Me, for real: "Sounds great."

[Producer]: "Yeah I bet."

Me: Sigh.

[Producer]: "Now tell me what news shows you like."

Me: "Well, I have to say, my favorite is [X] show on [competing network]. I think the format and structure of the show is very clear, and that works best for me. But I also watch [Y] show on [network for which I am interviewing] on a regular basis."

[Producer]: "And what shows do you like graphically?"

Me: "I'm...pardon?"

[Producer]: "GRAPHICALLY. WHAT SHOWS. HAVE. GRAPHICS. THAT. YOU. LIKE."

Me, inwardly: Oh gosh, I...have never really noticed graphics except on [network for which I am interviewing], because that's...kind of their schtick.

Me, for real: "Well, I honestly think [show for which I am interviewing] does the best job with graphics. It's so innovative. And also [Z] show on [network for which I am interviewing] seems to make an effort to really incorporate graphics into - "

[Producer], sneering: "OK I'll stop you there. Are they any shows that AREN'T on [network for which I am interviewing] where you like the graphics? Or are you just listing shows on [network for which I am interviewing] to suck up?"

Me: "Erm."

[Producer]: "Yeah?"

Me: "Um...well, to be...to be honest, your network seems really into graphics and I don't think that...I don't think the other networks really...um, care. Much."

[Producer]: Silence.

Me: "Oh gosh, it's just - I guess I just don't really pay much attention to the graphics on the other shows, because they're not - they're generally more of a background, uh, accompaniment, rather than a feature. Which - I don't mean - of course I'm not saying that that's the way it should be - I just...I mean, I think it's great, what you all do with graphics, and, and...um..."

[Producer]: "Alright well I'm out of time."

Me: "Oh! Erm...ok."

[Producer]: "Thanks."

Me: "Thank - thank you! Thanks."

Click.